i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
