You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
