your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
