U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize