he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize