Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
