Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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