just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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