i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
