I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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