If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
