That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
