Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
