Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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