She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
