Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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