New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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