I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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