My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
