I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
