My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
