Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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