It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
