That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
