First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
