new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
