tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
