this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
