I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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