I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
