his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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