Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
