currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
