I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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