I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
