hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
