Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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