so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
