I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
