theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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