I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
