Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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