Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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