yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
