DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
