my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize