Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
