I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
