let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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