a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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