I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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