Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
