I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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