are you so shy because you have an std?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
