no, he came in my armpit
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize