just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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