wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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