Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize