she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize