Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
its liver damage thursday
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
