he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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