ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
