I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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